When fantasy becomes reality

She hated that feeling inside of her. As if, something bad going to happen… As some silent stalker was upon her. As if some steel claws were biting deep into her skin.

She had those moments before and she would always smile silently thinking of how rich imagination she had, but tonight was different. It was so real, she almost had an urge to start running from her unknown prosecutor.

Even now she wanted to rationalize everything. It was dark rainy night, not much people on the street, it was cold gloomy, so it wasn’t surprise that she felt as she has been watched, but then again, she could feel eyes on her, she could feel breath on her neck as that something was right behind her.

She looked behind and all she could see was gloomy night there, not so much street lights,  dark calmness… nothing.

She decided to look in front of her again and to start walking faster just in case. Her apartment wasn’t so far away, just another block and she would be on safe turf.

Cracking was what made her stop paralyzed, it was on her left in the park. She locked scream in her throat and start running. Another one, following her. She gave her self into flee, running as it was the only thing that motivated her heart and her lungs. Cracking became louder as if she was pulling it closer by running away. Panic built in her guts now and she almost missed the building door and entrance to safety. She bumped into massive building gate opening them with shaky hands, slamming them behind, finding the welcoming warmth of the known space. She turned once again, staring into darkness and all she could see was one big nothing… same dark night, same rain, same calm. She was sure, she was losing it. There was one huge nothing…



To be continued…



Craving… Yearning… Brought to maximum, overwhelming her being. Like a hungry animal she was breathing heavy, hoping she will get another bite of that sweet torment.

Her mind was a mess, fast-running mess. She tried to catch only one steady thought, but she failed multiple times. She was not her own. She was completely at his disposal. Animal in His cage.

“Who are you?” His voice was so soft, low, threatening, powerful.

Who she was? What she was? Another try to catch and hold something rational and failure… again and again.

He repeated, now, a little sharper.

She had to hurry to find proper answer. Time was ticking and she hated dead lines…

“Who are you?”

His voice still silent, but now so threatening. He was annoyed by her lack of speed, irritated. And fear rose in her mind, spreading roots, preventing anything meaningful to approach into consciousness.

She looked into his eyes and she saw fury, silent rage. She was stalling once again… something he hated so much.

Some words came out of her mouth, she begin to stutter. She couldn’t understand them, she wasn’t sure if she was talking at all, but she heard her voice and she felt her vocal cords working. Then she stopped.

What has she said?

He closed his eyes, all of sudden so tired, exhausted. His hand on her cheek, soft, gentle, but strong. He moved his thumb over her chin and her lips and then he opened his eyes.

She was shocked by the warmth in them. She expected more rage, but there was warmth in his eyes, kindness.

“You are Mine!” His voice so gentle, but so demanding. This wasn’t suggestion, but the state of fact. He owned her.

She felt as he slammed her on the wall and then took her into hug.

Mine… echoed through her mind.

Mine, Mine, Mine…

She heard her voice again, she was repeating it out loud.

She glanced at him and saw approval in his gaze.

She was His. Completely. Her body, her mind, her heart, all of that only His.

He told her everything with that one word. He tied her to Himself, releasing her at same time. She was free, unchained in His arms, in His mind, in His gaze. She was herself by being His.


It was knocking on the door that woke her up. She thought she was sleeping for days. She thought her head would explode and her neck hurt so much. She felt as if she was really drunk. Another knocking and same beating in her head. Why she was down there on the floor?

As instant picture of a man standing against her, holding her upon her neck, danger glowing from his eyes, death itself, then soft voice, the one the one that can cradle you into beautiful oblivion. But she cried… Yes, she cried so much and that was what made her fall asleep on the floor. She cryed cause of things he told her. And not only that he told her, it wasn’t big deal what he told her, but how he did it. Demanding, but yet loving. Why?

“Herrin?” it was Michael and his voice was full of worry. Her beloved servant. Beautiful man, sensual, strong and so loving.

She stood up from the floor and opened door just to meet Michael’s dread on the face.

“Herrin, was-”

“It is ok, my darling, I am fine.” She probably looked as she was really drunk, terrible, with that make up all over her face and red eyes and all those shit. Damn.

“I am really fine, Michael”

Not even her strong reassurance made him feel little more relaxed and that start to annoy her.

She crocked her eyebrow to him and he instantly let his head fall down.

“As you say Mistress.”

“I need to go to take a shower. Stay here and wait for me, I ned to talk to you.”

“Yes Mistress.”

She went to the luxurious bathroom and stared at herself at the mirror. Fuck, she really looked terrible, with all that heavy make up on her face and she really had red eyes and… she had a slight bruising on her neck. Oh shit. Well you really need strength to lift someone from the floor and hold him like that and she was tall.She moved her fingers over her neck and closed her eyes remembering how he looked like. Pure anger, but controlled anger, calculated, malevolence and, something that made her shiver. He was so fucking hot like that. As an evil sex god. Perfect Dom. Well, that would make her rich, if nothing. She didn’t think about feeling she had in her stomach. No fucking way!

She carefully washed every part of her body. She felt dirty, really dirty cause of thoughts she had in her head. For fuck sake, she was sexually deviant and she felt dirty cause she thought that guy who could end her within a blink of an eye is sexy? No, she felt dirty, cause of the way that guy knew her. But how? How he knew her so well? And the most important, who the fuck was he?

She needed to check surveillance and she him entering her room, she needed to find out who he was.

She took long shower, almost a half an hour and she just dried herself and entered room naked. She loved to walk naked, she felt really comfortable with it. She wasn’t one of those beautifully carved women, but she had something most men got crazy with. She had that energy inside of her. She wore perfectly her body. Her waist wasn’t as thin and she wasn’t flat, there was some fat on her abdomen, not much, but there was some, she had athletic built although she didn’t work out. It was from the days in her youth. She never lost it. She had long and strong legs and wide hips, finishing with nice ass, fine breasts, nor small, nor big and cause of the type of sport she was into as young, she had wide torso. Everything packed perfectly with her. She looked physically strong and that was one of the good things if you want to be a Mistress and not only her look, but also what she had inside of her. She was aware of her flaws and she wore then with dignity.

Michael was there, waiting patiently, his head still down. He knew better, but not to look at her before she allow him to. Also, he knew perfectly how she looked like naked and she knew perfectly how she liked to be in front of him of Marcus. He felt her scent and that was enough for him o get aroused. His cock struggling in his pants as he locked his look on the floor.

“I need that”

He knew what “that” was. She wanted him inside of her. And by the tone she used, she wanted him hard and he was more than happy to oblige.

“Look at me Michael!”

And he did. He thought his cock will explode in his pants as he saw her. He knew every her perfectly, but yet, every time she made him wanna explode that instant. This is not going to last long, he was afraid and he knew that she wanted him to last long and he knew punishment if it doesn’t. He shivered by the mare remembrance of it and he was in a bliss. His Mistress could be such a sadist, but his cock would always listen to her, no matter what and not only his cock, his whole being.

She sat and the desk and separating her legs, so he could see her. She did it so wickedly and only she wanted now was his huge dick inside of her, whole at instant. She adored pain when he shoved it abruptly and then start ravishing her. She really did. And that was enough to make her wet. And that was enough for his cock to jerk inside of his pants as if it read her mind. She knew this wasn’t going to last long for him and she didn’t care, not now. She needed fast release, only he can give to her by rough sex.

“You know what to do?”

He nodded.

“Say it Michael!”

“Yes, Mistress, I know what to do.” His voice was hoarse and that was what she wanted to hear. Damn he had so hot voice.

He walked toward her, fixating her and when he was an inch away, he took her hand and whirled her around, pressing her ass against his cock. He bent her over the desk and unzipped his pants letting his painful erection to spring from it. He put fingers inside of her, measuring warmth and wetness of her core and when she moaned he knew she was ready for him. His did exactly what she wanted. He shoved his huge cock inside, whole and she almost screamed and that was good. His Mistress enjoyed it and she was satisfied by his doing. He start pounding inside of her violently as that was her calling. And she moaned hard. He knew she was both in pain and bliss and he wanted to stay like that. He adored he wildness. She was like animal sometimes, no control, and she was strong enough to withstand his strength. He was ravishing her, madly gasping by every thrust, she moaning and pressing hard against him. She wanted him as deep as he could go. That wasn’t sex, that was aggression firsthand. He wanted to grab her by her neck and make her struggle for air while she was coming, but he knew she would slap him cause of that. She always did and he always liked it, but tonight, she needed his libido high and primal and he was sure not to let her dominate her, at least not yet.

She felt his hand on her neck, squeezing her and instantly it brought the picture of a man who was in her room, pressing her against the was with promising killer look. She screamed hoarsely as she felt waves of orgasm overwhelming her. Michael continue to fuck her with same strength he did, still rigid, still at a brick of explosion and as her sex start constricting around his cock, capturing it inside of her, squeezing it as he was squizing her neck, he explode inside of her with a low growl, leaning against her back and letting his cock throbbing inside of her while releasing it’s load.

They both breath heavily and he released her neck putting his hands on the desk comforting his body on it.

“You know what to do Michael.” It wasn’t a question and no matter how hard she was breathing and how her voice was hoarse, there was undeniable tone in it and he found himself on his knees, pressing his lips on her core, sucking everything, cleaning her from every liquid that was inside, worshiping her completely. She was his Goddess his Universe and she deserved nothing less…



“Entschuldigung!” She made apology roll over her lips, by kicking hard against huge human body that materialized in front of her. She was pissed cause she almost said hello to the floor with her ass and that, he had to catch her around her waist to prevent that shame and she was pissed he was even on her way! She shot him angry glare just so she could meet two amused gray eyes, staring at her. His lip was curled into satisfied smile, also amused.

“Kein Problem.” He just answered, but he kept his hand around his waist little longer.

She cleared her throat and set herself free, shooting another nasty stare at him and marched away into the crowd.

Damn she was pissed! The ordering was late, her servants, as she like to call all them, fucked up with one of the orders, they payed much more then they should and they barely made in time to refund loss and fucking, they should put lights on the back of the club, not on the fucking front! She thought steam was going from her ears. She will whip them all together later, so fucking good, till her own hands start to hurt.

The picture of them weeping below her strikes the smell of their blood as she was ripping their skin with it. All made her anxious to get to the bottom of the  job, but, she had to climb stupid throne and couple of hours of declining low lives to be her slaves and subs. She took a deep breath before climbing to the throne and then, suffering has begun. Sweaty bodies didn’t even noticed her, before she climbed the throne, but when she did, she already saw couple of leeches turning toward her, wanting to come and beg. Her most loyal servants stood beside her, each on the side. They loved her, worshiped her and she loved them. They were good servants, trustworthy, smart and they knew how to behave in the presence of the Mistress and damn they knew how to satisfy her sexual needs. Sometimes she would fuck only one of them, but she loved them both with her. Sometimes one would fuck her, while she pegged other, or she would just enjoy watching they fuck each other first, before they mount her. The three of them were some crazy, deviant trio and they were the only who were permitted to shove their cocks inside of her.

“Herrin…” With that one everything started. He  talked how she is great, how he doesn’t deserve her and so on and so on. Down to the point, he was boring so she just waved to her lovers and they made him go.

This is going to be long night of refusal, she thought. Mostly, she never took anyone. She didn’t have too. She had girls who did that for her and guys who enjoyed to work out some nice lady, willing to show nice money. She owned this club and she was just the attraction, nothing else. A doll.

She took a break of 5 minutes after almost two hours of waving her hand, dismissing leeches and when she returned to her stage, she had something to see. In front of her, was that guy she crashed into, with that annoying amused smile on his lips.

“Mistress…” he addressed her on English “My apology, but I am afraid that I don’t speak German very well.” He bowed slightly in that I-am-at-your-service-style and then looked at her, again smiling. Damn he was annoying, but she had to play along.

“I thought, I have already apologized to you in the hall?”

“Yes, of course, you did.” That irritating smile in his eyes started really to piss her off.

“So? What do you want?”

He looked at floor as if he was thinking of what really did he want, then he glanced at her again.

“A drink.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want a drink.”

She glanced at her servants, then at him and she couldn’t help her self, but not to laugh.

“Well, this is a club, so you suppose to have a drink. Now go help yourself.”

He start approaching her and her loyal servants stood in front of him, shielding her. She tapped them on the solders and they split, revealing his face again to her. But they were tensed, ready to kick in again if they needed to.

He smiled, now little wider.

“What I meant, was, I want a drink with you.”

She scanned him and just answered, coldly “Nein.”

She already start pivoting with her eyes toward full club when she heard him from below.

“What was in your glance, there in the hall, was real you. This one isn’t.”

She shot him stare, and this time she was almost overwhelmed with rage. Not only that he was trying to toy with her, but he was also disrespecting her, right now. She stood up and  she imaged him under her feet, fighting for his breath, but she had to control herself, and she knew perfectly what her silent rage did to the people she disliked. He was just some huge balled human being, with a little of a brain in his head, full of himself, probably some frustrated wannabe Dominant or Master who thought that he could become one if he insults people around him.

She stepped toward him and cupped his chin, lowering her face toward his so close he could almost feel fluttering of her eyelashes on his cheeks and she talked silent, but loud enough so he could hear her through the pounding of the slow bass.

“I am not something you should take for granted, sweetheart. Now, if you want me to leave you with your dignity, you will nod and stroll away from here. Am I clear?”

A shadow passed over his glance, but he nodded, smiled and walked away.

She was so fucking tired and she needed to retired. She said her servants that the throne will be empty and she went to the bar taking a bottle of whiskey from the bartender and went to the back of the club and her home sweet home.

She turned lights on and froze.

A guy who she hit in the hall, who pissed her off in the club, was sitting in her chair looking at some photo.

“What the fuck-”

‘He tossed the photo on the desk, flipped face down and walked slowly toward her.

She noticed then, with what grace he was walking and how tall he was and how… damn he really looked dangerous the way he walked toward to her.

He smiled. Again, that amused, annoying smile and that provoking look.

“Oh, well, I am guessing you changed your mind about a drink?” He nodded toward the bottle of whiskey in her hand.

“How the fuck have you got in here?” She was still completely shocked.

He just shrugged.

“Maybe your gorillas aren’t that good and they seems.”

Gorillas??? No one calls her lovers gorillas!

“Take your pathetic ass away from my room.” She was boiling.

At a matter of second, she felt her air tube was pressed, her throat burning and she was kicked against the wall, struggling for the air. His hands around her neck and his face so terrifying. There was no smile in his eyes, nor on his lips. He was brute force of malice.

“Maybe you think I am one of those puny humans crawling to you begging you to pay a little bit of your majestic attention to them, but as you can see, you are so wrong, ‘sweetheart’. ”

He held her so strong, she could swear her body was lit of the floor and she could swear that he didn’t feel her weight at all. Whole world became dizzy to her and start to darken.

He came closer to her in a manner she did to him before.

“Now, if you want me to leave you with your life, you will nod. Am I clear?”

She nodded.


A joy came again to his voice and smile on his face. He let her down and took a bottle of her hands, waiting patiently for her to catch her breath. She coughed bending over her waist, trying to force the air come into her lungs.

She heard him open the bottle and pouring the liquid in glass.

When she caught enough air to breathe properly, she straighten herself and shoot him another wrathful glance.

He smiled wider, lifting his eyebrow and nodded at the empty chair for her to sit, stretching out the hand with one glass.

“All I wanted was to have a drink.”

She sat down and grabbed glass, still giving him hateful glance.

“Your accent is strange. You are not from Germany. Where are you from?”

Silence and stare.

“Are you somewhere from Russia, I would say so, cause your accent reminds me of Slavic one?”

More silence.

After a short pause, he snorted and shoot another question.

“Does your family knows what you are doing here?”

No, she thought and good they didn’t, but she reminded silent.

“Does he know?” He nodded toward photo on the table.

He… He took that photo of her with her ex. No, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.

“Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?”

“Well again you with your tone. And all I want is to have a nice conversation and a drink with you.”

“Great you had your drink and you had a conversation, now, get the fuck out of here!” She snapped. She didn’t care who he was or what he wanted, or if he was some king of a hit man. He was going on her nerves and she wanted him out. NOW!

He lifted his eyebrow meeting her eyes with another gaze of malice, he had when he was holding her by her neck.

“I am afraid I wasn’t so clear before?” He nodded toward wall where he was holding her.

She swallowed and he liked the reaction, cause he smiled again and started with questioning.

“Why you’ve chosen to be a prostitute?”

“Excuse me?” She tilted her head, offended by his question.

Well… But she was a prostitute, right? Yes, the club was hers and she didn’t have sex with people she worked, but that was a prostitution. And she was a prostitute pimp. Damn it!

“Why you’ve chosen to be a whore?”He repeated question using a word she really hated. She wasn’t a fucking whore!

“I don’t know what do you want or who are you, but you will mind your tongue. I am not a prostitute and I do this, cause I enjoy in this.”

“You do?” He lifted both of his eyebrows as if he was surprised by her answer. “So, if I want to fuck you, I don’t even have to pay you, cause you are enjoying in being a prostitute?”

That was it. A last drop in her already full glass. Enough of control.

“Get the fuck away from my sight!”

He stood up, eyes full of anger. And he started coming toward her, praying on her.

“It is funny how strong you are on the words and how weak you are on the deeds.”

She noticed then that she started walking back, away from him. She froze immediately as if trying to sway him that she is strong enough to confront him, even though he was much bigger then her, and stronger, and deadly. Fuck it, he was going to kill her, probably and this was her end, but then again, she has nothing to lose, right?!

Again in a matter of seconds he was over her vertically, pressing her against the wall and talking into her ear, while taking her breast roughly in his palm, squeezing it.

“So, I just have to fuck you and I don’t have to pay to you, or should I?”

She gasped as he squeezed her other breast.

“Anyway, I wouldn’t like to leave you without money, so, how much it is to fuck you?”

He moved his hand over her abdomen and pressed her harder on the wall.

“How much it is to shove my cock deep inside of you?”

Now, his hand was on her sex, fingers moving her panties, searching for a core.

She gasped again as he shoved his fingers deep inside of her. He put two right away and it hurt.

“How much does it cost for you to forget him?”

He start fingering her and she became wet. She didn’t want it, but she did.

He ignored how her sex responded to the violation.

“How much does it cost for you to erase every smile you had with him and to destroy yourself?”

His face came into her mind vividly as if he was in front of her. His smile, his look, his touch… Everything.

She felt tears on her cheek and she heard herself cry.

He let her go and her knees betrayed her and she felt on the floor, moving them close to her chest and she start weeping. This was what she was really. This was how she felt really. And yes, she was a fucking whore and she wanted to destroy herself and she hated herself and that hatred was killing her.

He crouched near her and cupped her chin, talking softly.

“Do not kill yourself with your fear. This in not who you are. You are not a prostitute. You don’t have a price. You are much above all of this. Go and leave this darkness behind yourself.”

He was holding her few moments more and the he stud up. She heard doors open and close and she wept more, cleansing herself from the poison she felt for so long, from the darkness that was inside of her. She felt hatred slither out of her and she was so tired. She lay down on the floor where she was sitting and she closed her eyes, falling into deep dream instantly.

Entry 004

Damn silence. It was choking her. Eons of it, even though it passed only few hours, but for her it was whole eternity.

“I am feeling much better, but I figure out that need to be alone…” He said silently and shifted his tired glance on her. Damn he was drinking her with that glance. A fountain of beautiful. She finally understood how beautiful he was when he was sad. Sadness stood perfect on him and that was something that broke her heart.

Alone? What he was assuming by “alone”? She asked herself, then him, but she knew  the answer, although he couldn’t give her. He knew it too.

She smiled prepared to give herself into darkness if that would mean that he would feel better. She smiled, but inside, she screamed, she wept. She knew she has to be stone for him, no tears, no grimaces of pain. Stone, strength.

He was scanning her, because he knew. He saw mask on her face, but he knew exactly what was below that mask. He just stared at her.

She had to avoid his glance, his glance was like a polygraph to her, the one she will not be able to pass.

“Are you ok?”

Fear, love, sadness, fury, lust, all that packed in one small box inside of her, ready to explode. She knew what was her salvation. She looked at him and once again he was the one comforting her. She took his cheek in her hand and she said as fast as she could before she started to sob.

“I will love you no matter what you decide…”

Failed. She failed to be his rock. She was as weak as it could. She shouldn’t say a thing, she has to look at him and tell him, that everything is going to be ok, no matter what he decide, not that!

“I asked you if you are ok and you said that you are. You are not ok.” He said so silently, it was a whisper. She felt his breath on her face. He said it so broken.

Damn! She shouldn’t do that. She hated herself for being a weakling. She had to make it right, so she gave one of those logical, pragmatical answers, she always did. Reason before everything, logic before puny emotion. Right?

He believed her. And she saw black cloud above him, becoming gray again. Good. That was good.

She made an vow that moment. If it means for her to go six feet under for him, she will. She WILL make a sacrifice for him and she will do, whatever he asks of her. She will SHOW him the way she loves him, by leaving if she has to.

She is a wolf and wolves fight.

Entry 003

She couldn’t wait so she asked, she wanted to know what lies behind that nothingness in him. He told her. She listened and he talked. She felt so guilty for his dark feelings. She just felt dirty for making him feel like that when he is near her. She tried to justify herself, but she couldn’t cause there was nothing to be justified. After more then two hours of talk came silence… There was time for rest.

Good night was said and than they turned back to each other.

How long has passed, she couldn’t say, but she got awaken by rough touch, anger coming from his hands. He was demanding, without any emotion except anger.

He wanted to be inside of her and he didn’t think about anything else. He wanted to fuck her. In that moment she was nothing to him, just an instrument of his release. He took her fast, without any mercy and he pounded inside of her, filling any part of her body that could accept his arousal. It didn’t last long. He didn’t want it to last long. He wanted it quick.

Was he hating himself for taking her so, without any respect, she couldn’t say. All she saw was huge anger in his moves, his touch. She let him do it. She even enjoyed it. He was punishing her and she enjoyed so much. He didn’t want her to come. She was completely irrelevant. He yearned to be selfish and she let him have that. She silently submitted to his need.

Making his craving complete, he turned his back again, forgetting about object that wasn’t important. She was His object and funny feeling was, that, it didn’t hurt. She made him feel good and she was happy cause of that.

She wanted to make him feel even better. She moved her hand toward her aching sex, still aroused by force he took her and she softly asked him to turn around and watch her coming for him. Once he loved that so much, so she hoped he will love it now too.

His gaze was focused, calm, metallic, empty. His eyes were so cold, no expression, nothing while he was observing her, moving in still rhythm. He was silent wrath incorporated. So majestic as fantasy creature, so beautiful. She couldn’t think of anything else except that coldness in his gaze. She felt, maybe involuntarily, her orgasm building, just looking at him. He smiled. Dear Lord, his smile was a movement, a crack in the porcelain mask. Something that gave godly beauty to his cold gaze. She thought she saw a little bit of disgust, but she couldn’t say for whom, for her or him? Was he hating himself so much for not be able to feel anything, or her that she was so freaking turned on by his hatred? Another mystery for her, but she came and she exploded, her orgasm pulled away from her by his most dark feelings. He smiled once more, now even more with disgust and just turned away from her.

She thought she was sick. She must be! She came by looking at his oblivion, his hatred, his anger. That made her come. He used her as an object to release himself and that turned her on! Yes… All of that. All of that, cause she WAS his object and she WAS proud cause of that.

Entry 002

There is no worst feeling then a feeling of cold where you should feel warm, she thought.

It wasn’t that “hand” that was ripping her chest open, it was coldness where she should feel warmth. Inside of her and on her lips in a morning when he is leaving.

It was always like that, as if they had a pact. She was leaving, she kissed him, he was leaving, he kissed her. Simple, so simple.

She felt his pain, so profoundly. She breathe it within herself. And she wanted to touch him, just to make that soft skin-to-skin connection, so he could feel HER warmth, so he could feel she was there for him. He rejected it. Not because he hated her, no, but because he couldn’t feel. He shut down for everything, including her too.

On a first instinct she wanted to flee from that battlefield, but then again, that would made her even greater coward, so she did what she was doing so far. She stared and cried, making a vow to herself that she will confront him.

Dying Goddess

I have seen those who must not be seen

I have craved for those who not must be craved for

I brought down fire of the world

and I crash it with cold hands

I’ve been trapped in dark asylum

covered with black marble

and I wore fabric of world on my own chests

Looking for eternity in cold, dead faces of LOST ONES

glared in those lifeless eyes

punishing the Gods themselves

killing the existence of lightly souls

I mourn now for those eons that past

I cry for those acts I done

And the darkness is feeling my heart

I set on the throne which is my own prison

caged by pillars of my own doings

“Can you still feel?”

Those vulgar words came out from arrogant creature

“How dare you, mare mortal?”

Ah, but I could feel that sweet death

which is lurking his own soul

I never was created, but I am

cursed to not feel embrace of salvation

but yet I feel

I feel ending of this epoch

” Can you still see?”

the cold voice echoed through my mind

oh, I could see

grotesque shapes of the world

“You created nature, now she is taking you into her own arms.”

Yes, I could sense her,

raged by our arrogance

she was putting us into endless slumber.

Thoughts now took wild vigor

listening repeating of the words

” You are nothing but a dead Goddess of the Night!”

Oh, how the irony can bring smile to the face

even my stone like

Now every piece was clear

shape became figure

He, holding me near


And I knew the end is here

but I felt no sorrow

but joy instead

and with my last breath I said it again

” He was right

I am nothing but a dead Goddess of Night”

Entry 001

She was staring at the wall, just sitting and staring. She wished she was numb. She prayed she got free of the feeling as some phantom hand is ripping her lungs away from her.

She was in pain and tears were just coming without any notice. She was staring and crying, eternal cycle and nothing more, just staring and crying. She just want pain to go away. She was a coward, she knew it. She was afraid of that pain, she had it once and she couldn’t stand it, not even a five minutes of it. She wished she was dead, or drugged, or sleeping for like a thousand years. But she couldn’t.

Lungs were ripped off, her heart too. Knifes were shoving deep inside her chest. She cradled herself: It is ok, you can do this. Feel it completely and adjust to it, live with it. Nothing to be afraid off, just that poking inside, you can use to it.

She wished she could. She was bleeding inside. Huge hole inside of her like a void, a black hole. Yes, that was it, a black hole and she was caught into it…

Forbidden yearning

He cradled her with his body, holding her tight against him. She felt his warmth rising upon her skin so profoundly. She felt his scent, strong, a smell of autumn, of a rain.

She was was trying to breath calmly, but she felt aching sensation between her thighs and as it pulsate unwillingly, her breath was cut of. She sensed him smiling. He knew, he knew perfectly what she was feeling.

He moved his hand over her back, slowly, across her hips and her thigh, not giving her the satisfaction of a glance. He was still punishing her, but this time, gently.

She felt the skin on her bottom still burning from the slashes he gave to her. She was bad and he was furious cause of the constant mistake she was doing. Laughing in his face, she was always laughing in his face when she needed to simply be serious.

He wasn’t funny at all when he was serious, with that dark look in his eyes, calmness as f he was serial killer. No, he wasn’t funny, he was scary and he did scared her then. How easily those loving eyes could turn into ruthless ones…

She felt his hand on her butt, caressing her slowly. He was feeling the skin bellow his fingers, shapes of the lash. And there were markings on her. Pulsating as each mark was alive for itself.

Her breath locked into her lungs as he touched her butt and he did understand exactly as it was.

“You want me, don’t you? Deep inside you, filling you completely till you scream?”

By saying that, he grabbed her ass tight, squeezing it and she moaned. She had no permission to move an inch, but he said nothing about moaning.

She sensed smile in his voice as he was holding her.

“What if I take you from behind? And by behind I don’t mean your pussy. What do you think?”

It was a trick. It wasn’t matter what she was thinking. She was his toy to be played with the way he wanted. She swallowed trying to give the best answer, but he just cut her.

“I will help you with that answer you are struggling to give me. I. Don’t. Care. What do you want and I want you right away on your four.”

She swallowed once again, but she obeyed. She was better to do so, cause when he demanded, she knew there was no way from her to get cool from this one. She could only get more beating and him thrusting deep inside of her, making her wanna scream, but holding her lips shut, with her head on the floor. She was his pain slut and more then that she was his attention slut. She knew it. Sometimes she would deliberately piss him off, just so he could make her pay for it.

She was on her four, waiting for him to slid inside of her. Preparing her anus for pain and pleasure after it. He leaned his hips against hers and she felt his throbbing erection wanting to go inside. She gripped her hips and yanked her toward him and she moaned again. She was so wet and she wanted him inside, her ass, pussy, whatever he chooses, just to have him. He repeated movement and she moaned louder. She felt light-headed and her heart start pounding hard inside of her chest, making breathing very demanding action. He did it again and he just murmured “Please

He laughed now, and she heard that merciless tone of his voice.

“You really think you deserved me fucking you? My cock inside of you?”

She felt… She felt her ego was slammed against the floor and stepped on it.

She didn’t. She crossed her line, laughing at his face and she didn’t deserved him caressing her either after he punished her. She didn’t deserved him fucking her the way she loved, no, she didn’t. But yet she wanted to turn over and slap him and make him fuck her hard. Of course, he knew that and even before she could answer, he grabbed her hair and pulled her hard, hitting with her back against his chests and whispered threatening in her ear- “You don’t deserve a second of my attention, not because you laughed in my face, but because of what is on your mind right now. I know you, but you constantly try to forget that. YOU are my property and you better start acting like that or we are going to have a huge problem. Am I clear?”

All she could do, was to nod, but he yanked her harder and hissed through his teeth- “I asked you something!”

“Yes, Sir, you are clear.”

“Wonderful… Now you are going to lay down and sleep. You know you need to wake up early in a morning.” His voice was sweet again, gentle, soft. But he was giving her an ultimate punishment, sending her aching to bed. She had to control her yearning and she was so bad at it, and he knew and he wanted to torture her by using the best tool for that: Knowing her deeply.